The Negative Is Inevitable.

There is a fight between what is our human tendency and the struggle to embody 'heavenly' attributes.

This idea of constant positivity and the idea of 'fearlessness' is one of them.

Because from what I see, we are always being pushed to one extreme or the other. 

These things leave a person feeling like a failure when they cannot escape 'negative' emotions,

'why am I fighting my own thoughts'

'why am I thinking this way'

'why do I always breed negative thoughts, even though I'm trying to be positive' 

'why do I self doubt'

Built up frustration, does the reverse. Its ends up feeding exactly the energy you tried to avoid. What you feed- grows.

Peace isn't running from commotion, rather understanding that with or without troubles, your life is not completely defined by the noise you'd rather not hear.

-Then, the game begins, tricking ourselves into believing that one of these days. We will wake up on a summer day to a glittering sunrise. A bowl of fruit on the table near our bedside, the smell of fresh pine and a scenic view for a back garden. Nothing will bother us, we will manifest each and every dream. One day, everything will be perfectly okay. 

We will only really know positivity.... 

And it is this hope of a Utopian-like future that leaves us living in the constant day-dream of all the things that are better than right now.

The present moment dies. 

The idea that we should only know the light without having met darkness is ridiculous. 

When we realise that we are okay, that there is nothing wrong with us, when we allow ourselves to feel whatever it is we are feeling. For whatever reason. 

The fight calms. 

When we accept that we can never really only be positive, that to be human means to be painted in every tone. And that every tone serves it's purpose. 

We save the energy we would spend being angry at ourselves for being less than we imagine. 

And invest that energy into creating the thoughts that dwell in our imagination.

There is a peace in accepting life will always be this way.

It creates to destroy.

destroys to create. 

You and I, will inevitably both mimic this, because we are the very universe we observe. 

So God created mankind in his own image. Genesis 1:27 

In a stream of thought I wrote:

'Life exists within two planes. 

What we want to be and fear of who we are.
Living exists within not forcing ourselves to live under the umbrella of 'always positive'. Rather accepting we are fearful.

And doing it anyway.
In the centre.

From extreme to extreme.
We are no in between it seems.
Someone is either praised as fearless.

Or laughed at as fearful'. 

'Emotions are never fully overcome. 

Because emotions never really die.
They only fail to reside within particular situations -when you understand why you felt that way. 

And go ahead anyway.
You overcome a situation.
You never fully overcome fear itself.

Us humans are wrapped in all these feelings.
Our brains are laced and ribboned with them.
So many colours.
We are made of them all.
to throw away a shade.
Means you lose another.

'To live with the taste of fear on your tongue'.
Somewhere in the centre

Don't lie to yourself.  

You are scared out of your mind.
And this is okay.

Because if you have never been afraid.

Then you do not know what it means to be brave'. 

Paint In The Water

We search. 


Search for music to speak for us. 
To live through voices of people we don't know. 
Search for intimacy in-between the pigments of a strangers skin and the lining of another's bones. 
We're looking. 
Hunters in the wilderness but our mission is a burden. 
Forever wanting. 
Forever unsatisfied. 
Wishing to sink our teeth into someone's feelings and spill our guts near the river.  
Under twinkling skies we curse the city lights that told us lies. 
About love. 
About being. 
About life.  
We're confused.  
We enjoy our pain it seems. 
All alone we dream of unravelling ourselves at the seams, to pick at the stitches that pull our façades together. 


We spend time painting masks. 
We spend time washing off.





- Hermenia 

The Walking Contradiction. Part 1. (Femininity, Masculinity and the Lines We Enforce)

I'll start of this post by admitting my hesitation to begin writing in the first place, how do you indulge in such topics without generalising? How do you put your stamp on a controversial and universal discussion without stepping on too many toes? Hm. I'm not sure if that's possible, but what I do know is that, if we always chose to digress... *gathers self*

If we always chose to digress

We'd always be secretly hoping, waiting for that one person to say the thing we've always wanted to say. That one person to be brave enough to speak through us, not to blame any group of people, or to cause some kind of uproar. But just to say it, so it's out there, so it doesn't have to linger in our bones any longer. But, I find it's actually far worse to sit on your realisations about the world we live in, because when someone does not show up as your saviour, to take the weight of expressing your opinion, you harbour anger, there's injustice and things you want to say but you can't grow the tongue to. So an innocent opinion transforms to pain and those lingering bones become a curled up fist. There's no need for this because we are born to express freely, as long as we are not hurting others... hey, you might find someone out there agrees with you. 

People say, 'you have to be, what you want to see', and I know what I want to read for sure, so as a way to honour the start of a new year, I guess I'm giving myself that respect to say what the hell I think. A state of freedom calls, so lets go there. 

The Walking Contradiction. 

It's day one of a new year and I'm chilling, as you do. Cooking up something good and dancing to my erratic Youtube playlist. Two unheard voice notes on a Whatsapp conversation and a link to an article: 

The Ugly Side of Being a Single, Attractive and Available Heterosexual Woman 

If you haven't read the article already, you should. 

Now, my initial reaction and this overall post is not solely in response to the article, but rather the annoying yet inevitable recurrence of this topic on my phone screen every couple of months.

It's a reaction to hearing men on countless occasions, praise feminine sexuality when they can feed from it, but then curse at a woman when she refuses to share.

It's a reaction to hearing terms like 'side-chick' and wondering how on Earth it's considered okay to perpetuate the idea of using someone simply to fulfil sexual appetites, while holding hands with the ones you claim to 'love' like its all good. 

It's the obvious look of wanting and desire on a man's face when a woman wears revealing clothes, yet, their mind tells them. She's not good enough to be his girlfriend, fiancé, wife. 

But she's good enough for games right? ...why?

Ever heard of 'you are what you associate with'? or beyond that and better yet 'you are what you eat'?
ha.

If a hoe/slut is equivalent to scum/dirt... and only rats play in the dirt,
I'm trying to figure out where in that analogy leaves a man that sleeps with women he slyly believes he is better than, because well... he's simply male, and their 'easy'.
*shrugs*

We live in a world which tells us women must carry themselves at a  particular standard, if not they will be shamed. Yet, we do not push men to also bare this weight, advertisements, music video's media says, women are too precious and beautiful, too divine to reduce themselves to objects yet, unfortunately for them, too irresistible to not be played with.

In turn,there are a lot of men who lust after exactly what they condemn. 

But! This post isn't about shaming, far from it, rather, it's about standards, it's beyond social dynamics and it's about living up to the idea's you believe you are worthy of. If you believe certain behaviours are degrading, then don't degrade yourself by turning your head to look down at them. Simple, no? I don't know..

I do know, women are taught from young ages to restrain, to not be too forward- especially when it comes to initiating interactions. This is for the safe keep of their 'reputations' and needless to say, their safety, they do just that.
Whether it's right or wrong...
They digress.  

Standards. Associate with the things, people, places that coincide with your standards, this post isn't about setting everyone a bar so, whatever the hell yours is, stay close to that, and if you see something that is not of you being practised, leave it alone, you don't have to poke at it, gawk at it, or wonder what that button does, or call it names for that matter. Man or woman, hold yourself up to the same standards you hold others to. Reject hypocrisy.

Don't be a walking contradiction, you know when they say 'you can't smell it cos it's on you'?
Yh. Don't be that guy... or girl.

Going back to the problem, it is that, the 'boys will be boys' mentality is still as strong as ever. The idea that men think they can 'sow their wild oats' before they meet a gracious young woman and then settle down with her on ice white sheets that she won't at all mind if he stains with dirty hands.
This is the fairytale that still drifts through the brains of a lot of guys and is widely accepted by the whole world, in fact, it's is sadly reality,

So... I have one comeback for women who are damned by men, who are judged by men, that just can't seem to turn away from what they think is unholy... and that's simply... 'see you in hell... what now?'. 

Excuse the 'what now?'... a bit of London sass there couldn't help it.





This is A State Of Freedom, and I didn't want to make this post about simply 'Netflix and chill to abortion pills' I needed to bring myself to the topic, bring the depth of us all to the topic. So we don't leave angry, rather only with a thirst to better understand ourselves and practice these understandings.. 

- What isn't being touched on enough is the idea of hyper masculinity and hyper femininity, the holy balance within the two energies, what they represent and the roles we associate with both sides. 

- The fact that people preach men and woman are not the same, and use the concept of 'Yin and Yang' to marginalise both the genders, they use this idea to emphasize humanity knowing their roles and staying in their place, but clearly they ignore the fact that both energies exist within each other, Google the symbol yourself.

- Its the notion of the stronger and weaker gender, But is strength only aggression and dominance? There is so much strength in sensitivity, in letting go, and women do this in child birth might I add. (shout-out to Elliot Hulse for that beautiful example.)

- It's also the idea that men aren't allowed to show too much sensitivity, cry for too long, or they'll be branded 'pussies' or too feminine. And through this we unconsciously associate femininity with weakness.

- And it's in these, small, seemingly trivial, yet hurtful ways that we hurt a whole group of people, hurt ourselves.
I believe the bottom line is balance and respect. I've decided to make this the first post that discusses things that concern femininity (and in turn masculinity).

In the meantime, I could refer countless video's that have not only inspired me to raise my voice on such topics, but have opened my eyes to things I never realised. They aren't all 'Elliot Hulse' video's, but I love how he explains things, and he is wonderful to listen to. 

So here you go.

Video: Who's A Bitch?
Blog Post: How many WOMEN for you?




Until next time, stay close to the things you desire/admire, respect yourself and in turn it will be second nature to respect others and embrace ALL of yourself.



All words are mine unless stated otherwise.

Be 'A State Of Freedom'

Happy 2016.

Love Hermenia.

To Reside In Forever

The last entry of the year, the main message that rings through me is that 'the universe responds to not what we say we want, but what we demand with our actions'. We are all energetic beings so.. the level of energy we give out is what will be reciprocated back to us.
'Show up for your bit of the job, create, after that let the rest meet you half way.'

And that's it.
Self explanatory.

What's left is, these words came to me a few months ago, when I was thinking about people that have left us. Transcended into something we don't understand. They won't see the 'New Year' how we will, but the words created themselves as I went along and they translate that we should not stay forever in mourning or sorrow, because there are things which we cannot understand in this reality and that we do not know. So we make the most of what we have right here, right now.

My words are a bit abstract so use that imagination of yours. :)






We do the best with what we have.
Whether we are demanded to spend another day here on Earth.
Or whether we are called to new realities.

We do the best with what we have.
What we are given to eat up.
To soak.

I take these people as an audience.
This ground as a stage.
This prayer as a song.
All these colours.

The trees, grass, wind and leaves cry out for me.
Scream for me.
Reach for me.
The mountains clap their hands for me.

So we do the best with what we see,
When we 'lose' people, please understand they hold keys.
To other places unseen.

They are doing the best with what they have.
Painting pictures in technicolour,
Riding through whirlwinds.
Holding their breath and releasing fabrics of voices.
They are swinging from blue vines.
Riding in fresh time.
They are playing in red seas.
Beneath all the dream trees.
And above the abyss.

I believe,
This world is not the only game,
So let's smile,
For we stand back to back with them,
We visit them unconsciously.
At night. midday. when daydreaming.

We touch their arms and elbows when we sign papers to complete transactions,
and they write contracts to open new doors within divinity.

So,
Smile.

And make the most of the day,
For the people that lost the gift of being blessed with a sun ray.

Smile.
And make the most of the night,
In the knowing that.
Time will call for you,
To find new matter, unidentified.
Undiscovered.
In a new landscape.
One that cannot even make sense here.

We shall do the best with what we have.
Until we have something,
Somewhere new to play in,
And play with.
As they do. 

The Unapologetic's Glow

Just because you're the only person doing something, whatever it is- doesn't mean you should stop doing it to make others comfortable. There are so many things that are normalized in our society that hurt us yet still routinely practiced by the masses and given the go ahead without a second thought or glance.

Example. You don't have to walk too far from your doorstep before you see another passenger smoking, now let me just add real quick I'm not trying to come sideways at smokers, 'we all have our glitches', but it's obviously no secret, that smoking has severe side affects, Now what I find amazing is that in our society, we are so quick to ridicule people for the way they deal with their issues if their methods are unconventional.

People often ask me why I'm 'always smiling'. I think it does two things, it gives the impression I am obviously happy, and an easy going person. Easy to approach etc. It also may be kind of over bearing for one that does not understand where this emotion comes from. I like to say that this is both my 'default state' and my way of coping with everyday stresses. Sometimes, I'm really just thinking up cool stuff in my head. But at the same time, I guess it's my way of being okay.

We live in a beautiful world that's also very sick. We put financial profit over any and everything. We are forever looking for the quick way out of escaping from ourselves. We are forever looking for the quick way out of dealing with pain. And then, we find ourselves back to our quick fixes, slaves to these temporary solutions.

When I realise this, and immerse myself in this understanding. Grounded. I know this is true, and I don't need to look outside of myself for validation.

You cannot afford to feel embarrassed about the little 'awkward' things that make you who you are. Why should you be on your knees, subservient to a world that does not even understand itself? A people lacking all the answers, a place where  products are sold which deteriorate the mental and physical state of our community. Question all the things you find to be complete BS in the world and why those things are seemingly okay, before you question the nature of yourself. :) 


You owe the world no explanation about the way you move.
The things you do.
What you write.
Speak.
Sing.
Whether it is strange, weird, extreme.


What you believe of yourself is ultimately the truth of you. 
So my take is to stand in your originality and know you are just fine.
And if no one will say it then I will.

It's upsetting to know that, there are people out there, living with internal pain, because they are being backed into a corner, feeling as if they are in the hot seat and they have to justify their being to a world of judgement. A world with skeletons in its closet and dirt on the very hands it points with.

You cannot inspire the world forever conforming to it. Or trying to be like it.
So stay true and be something worth an inspiration.






- Hermenia.

Love to all those who read and beyond.

Closure.

Sometimes.
It's not that a person does not care.
It's that they can't afford to.
Sometimes.
Often times.

There is much too much.
Going on in a person's mind.
Swirling through their brains.
An accumulation of regrettable times,
heart-filled mistakes.

Moments that need reassurance.
Closure.
To be concealed and never revealed.

Places that need understanding.
Thoughts that need to take landing.

It's not that a person does not have time.
In fact. It never is.
Time is a lie.

Sometimes.
Often times.
Its that we figure out which bargains are worth buying into.
And which games are cursed for our losing.

What is the point of fighting to own something, that was never written off in my name?
Why should I play a game, I do not have chance of finishing?
How can I make someone love me from their perspective?
Too many things come into play.
To force someone to understand us.

Too many things swirling,
Brewing.
Casting dark holes in our brains.

Losing games.





Sometimes.
Often times.
We just cannot give it space.
So we must choose which race is possible to win.
Which place is possible to find.
Which solitude is in our reach.
Which understanding is able to jump over.

And so we do.

We pick up all the things that we can say we own.
Our own problems.
Our own dreams.
Our own problematic fantasies.
And we begin running,
A race alone.
To know ourselves, just that bit more than we did before.

So I beg you, do not be fooled.

By the distant smiles.
The cold shoulders,
The dinners with new lovers.
The laughters.
The cheers to 'here after's.
The aftermath of flashy pictures on screens.

Sometimes.
Often times.
They have not forgotten.
I can almost assure you,
They still remember the gifts your past granted them.
But they had to decide.

The things that are worth owning.
The things that won't leave them wondering.
Whether they know the whole truth.
Whether they believe you,

And the only way to be okay with never really knowing.

Was to assure that,
they are the only person they are in debt to.

Was to allow themselves to be the only person, place, thing,
they ever really need to know.






- HP.

x

Jealousy, Wanting and 'Don't Ever Play Yourself'.

The way I see it..

Jealousy, reveals a lack of self belief. When you find yourself jealous of something someone else possess, whether that be a form of energy or something tangible. You are turning yourself inside out. Revealing that, in fact, you do not believe you have the power to one day also possess these same attributes. Of course, it is a natural human emotion to be jealous or envious- but the way I see it, you can either choose to gaze longingly and painfully out of your own window, or you can take the steps, to your front door, so you can actually be on the other side of wanting.

As humans, when we see other people or meet other people that for some reason, their lives have been so constructed that they already obtain the tools that we lack, our first emotions are either that of extreme admiration of envy, jealousy I guess- is both of these emotions coming into play simultaneously. What I think is a saving grace, every time, to take us out of feelings of inadequacy. Is understanding firstly, this is a gift, give thanks and praise because God/Universe however you spin it is looking out for you, showing the holes in your being, the things you need to take you higher, Listen. Secondly, summon yourself and understand that energy is transmittable. If you want something someone else has, simply, take it. :)

Okay, so elaborating on the first one, the foundation of really understanding this is grasping the idea that everyone is a mirror, this belief is fluid and can be applied in different ways to help bring self wholeness in different situations. In regards to this one, think of it literally as looking in a mirror and seeing a more advanced version of self, this can be as crazy as you want- e,g if Goku were to look at himself in the mirror and see himself, only as a Super Saiyan, I don't know- but the whole point is realising they are, an extension of you, and vice versa. There are steps to take, perhaps a long way to go, but if you move in the knowing that all that is 'good' is for you, and you are strong enough and powerful enough to mould yourself into all you want to be, then that beliefs carries you, and you keep going, until you finally embody what it is you longed for.

As for the second point, energies are fluid, open for all those who believe they are worthy of possessing them. Honour your journey and the people, places, lessons you learn on the way- take what you feel is there to grow you, give thanks for this opportunity to see yourself, drop your ego for a second and understand there are attributes in another worth picking up to grow you.

What you choose to see in others shapes you. What you choose to see in others says a lot about you. Do yourself favours. See the best things, so you have more for yourself to take.

I believe we are all in the making, the people we cross paths with, hold the powers we need to pick up to take us to that other level being. The people that cross paths with us, have something profound to learn from us, we are always trading gifts, in seemingly sweet collisions and painful ones, gifts are traded, And if you are willing to pick up someone else's, and they leave yours. That's their loss. (Don't be that guy).

Nothing reveals to me more that God loves me than this revelation. All through my life I have gravitated to people who are nothing like me- people more outgoing, people that are more open, people that are braver, people that are more ...aggressive even. Sometimes, I realise that I am being tested to see what I will and will not put up for, sometimes, I see they are holding tools I should take to evolve me. All these collisions have made my voice louder, heightened my spirit- evolved my being, and with that- I stay 'winning'

I write these things so that other people, if it resonates, they can take them and apply. Also, because I believe in divine timing, that someone, anyone may read this and have it hit where it needs to. AND because what good are my thoughts if I never realise them...


Be receptive. Believe that all that is for you. Don't EVER play yourself (quick shout-out to DJ Khaled for that boss quote) just because you could not get over feeling inadequate and unworthy of having a quality another possess. It was meant for you, that is why it is shining in front of you.

BTW. This posts goes out to all the people, I know, I don't know, once here, now transcended. That unconsciously have taught me, and teach me through,simply, being themselves.
If you look closely, will you see glimpses of them in the pigments of my skin, tone of my voice, way of my being.


Okay, I missed writing these long posts.  Love to all who read and beyond.

- Hermenia.