Never leave hope breathing.

Never leave hope breathing. 

It has a way of seeping gas through the cracks of a torn chest. 

Giving breath to the concrete.
Filling a heart up with 'maybes'.  
You Find a faith in your bones. 

In the soil grows the seeds. 

'what if' is conceived. 

Before I lost the tiny device which encapsulated the core of my emotions. My sadness, my happiness. That was practically a portable part of me outside of me.

I wrote my whole life story.  Almost. I talked to myself about who I was before, how it's made me all I am now. 

How what I thought were my weaknesses are my strengths and how it takes time to be able to hold all your gifts and use them to your benefit. 

How our divine inheritance of talent will work against us and as a child to adolescent and beyond, until you learn how to accept yourself. You will sell yourself cheap in the desperate hope of being appreciated. 

Just as I complete the longest note on my phone that I would have loved to read back. Go over. Edit. Release. 

I lose it. 

The whole thing. 

But writing all those words, thoughts and feelings made me strong. 

Now.  I outline the lesson in all losses.

- There is a force pulling me to walk into something new. What better time to do that than spring. 
- When I was away from home. I was having so much fun, enjoying life... absorbing a fresh environment. With that I lost all the feelings that weighed me down. So do things that make you feel good more. 

- You will lose it all to learn protection. 
- You will lose it all to learn to guard your treasures with your life.

- People will care as much as you do.
- Make no apologies for the words of your soul.

And although it sounds like common sense. To always back up everything you do. I've been thinking about why I never did that with all my words. Even some of the ones I loved, maybe because deep down.  I thought, 'I probably won't be sharing this'. I wish I did now. It goes to show how important it is to protect the things that mean a lot to you. 

I still remember, a lot of my words, they come back to me in fragments, some in full- those are the ones I would read over in order to memorise them. 

So I'm writing it all down      again. 

(Atleast what is engraved in my brain.)

I do believe, we are given what we need to move forward, even if it's the minimum. 

I am not waiting

When we finally get what we 'want'. Who's to say we will not have lost the things that we 'need by then'? Like some friends and family. And yes I mean this literally, Of course... 'God Forbid' and this is certainly not something we want to think about or fathom. But as much as we are in control of our lives, as much as we are life. We are actually moving within spontaneity. There is so much out of our hands. In a later post. I definitely want to talk about something more personal, about my own personal realisations about what I 'want' for myself.

But who's to say I'll be blessed enough to have it all at the same time, my loved ones and my version of 'success', I pray I do. I pray when I'm 25 and I've got some things checked off the list by then and I've manifested a lot of my dreams thinking. 'Hm. Well done Hermenia'. I've got all the people I love sharing love, happiness and joy with me. But whether my future will play out this way is not in my control. So then, is it not foolish to anticipate the day you will 'glow' and lose the present?

In this world of social media, it's easy to get caught up in wants and 'goals'. It's easy to get lost in the hustle and the chase. It's easy to rob yourself of priceless wealth which is sincere love from yourself and others, and begin chasing replaceable material wealth.

At any moment in time. The ground can be snatched from underneath us and our realities turned upside down. 

If I had everything I ever wanted. If I was a 'successful' illustrator, writer, designer and all the other things I want to be that are too abstract for a title. And didn't have my mother. Of course, with time I'd gather the strength to keep going. But love does not die. And this fact is what keeps you in heart ache and also what heals you. It is a void and a feeling which can never be filled. So, this mothers day, I'm thankful and grateful she is here, beautiful as ever and healthy. Here to share life with me in the physical form.

It's so easy to imagine the perfect future. But it is merely a dream that will never be realised, because, if us humans had our way. We would have it so that we hardly ever or never endure pain. And pain is necessary for purging and evolution. We would make things too easy.

Life as it is, is already perfect. It is already divine. The present moment is this way for a reason and to be appreciated. And I have been constantly reminding myself of this.

So whatever,

I am everything I want to be right now. I am all that I need right now. I have all the tools to build and bridge between my dreams and reality right now. And as I'm working. I'll definitely be stopping to have conversations. To fall in love. To watch a sunset. Because there's no point building the future  to realise the view you had in the past was awesome. There will be no real bridge to walk over to see what you missed when your head was down.

My last post was. 'Negativity is inevitable'. Well so is success. Whatever that looks like for you. Whatever that looks like for me. You know what let me talk to myself. Because I always am anyway, I'm actually thinking of making a YouTube channel under a name like that.

As long as I continue to fall in love with myself.
To practice using my body as a vessel for a message to uplift the world.
To love others.
And give light for growth.
As long as I meet God half way.
Then the universe will respond to my frequency and energy I'm giving out.  

That's not saying I'll never get stressed. but, I will stop pretending I'm not already all the things I wanted be once upon a time. 
Oh and a little bit more. :) 

There's a song by 'Nuages' called. 'Dream'. It's a trip. Cos it really takes you on a journey. There's a beautiful instrumental. And over it.

Is the voice of philosopher Alan Watts:

"So then, let’s suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream you wanted to dream, and that you could for example have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time, or any length of time you wanted to have.

And you would, naturally, as you began on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfil all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each you would say “Well that was pretty great”. But now let’s have a surprise, let’s have a dream which isn't under control, where something is gonna happen to me that I don’t know what it's gonna be.

And you would dig that and would come out of that and you would say “Wow that was a close shave, wasn't it?”. Then you would get more and more adventurous and you would make further- and further-out gambles what you would dream. And finally, you would dream where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are actually living today."

I'm back to blogging if you haven't noticed. 

- Hermenia 

The Negative Is Inevitable.

There is a fight between what is our human tendency and the struggle to embody 'heavenly' attributes.

This idea of constant positivity and the idea of 'fearlessness' is one of them.

Because from what I see, we are always being pushed to one extreme or the other. 

These things leave a person feeling like a failure when they cannot escape 'negative' emotions,

'why am I fighting my own thoughts'

'why am I thinking this way'

'why do I always breed negative thoughts, even though I'm trying to be positive' 

'why do I self doubt'

Built up frustration, does the reverse. Its ends up feeding exactly the energy you tried to avoid. What you feed- grows.

Peace isn't running from commotion, rather understanding that with or without troubles, your life is not completely defined by the noise you'd rather not hear.

-Then, the game begins, tricking ourselves into believing that one of these days. We will wake up on a summer day to a glittering sunrise. A bowl of fruit on the table near our bedside, the smell of fresh pine and a scenic view for a back garden. Nothing will bother us, we will manifest each and every dream. One day, everything will be perfectly okay. 

We will only really know positivity.... 

And it is this hope of a Utopian-like future that leaves us living in the constant day-dream of all the things that are better than right now.

The present moment dies. 

The idea that we should only know the light without having met darkness is ridiculous. 

When we realise that we are okay, that there is nothing wrong with us, when we allow ourselves to feel whatever it is we are feeling. For whatever reason. 

The fight calms. 

When we accept that we can never really only be positive, that to be human means to be painted in every tone. And that every tone serves it's purpose. 

We save the energy we would spend being angry at ourselves for being less than we imagine. 

And invest that energy into creating the thoughts that dwell in our imagination.

There is a peace in accepting life will always be this way.

It creates to destroy.

destroys to create. 

You and I, will inevitably both mimic this, because we are the very universe we observe. 

So God created mankind in his own image. Genesis 1:27 

In a stream of thought I wrote:

'Life exists within two planes. 

What we want to be and fear of who we are.
Living exists within not forcing ourselves to live under the umbrella of 'always positive'. Rather accepting we are fearful.

And doing it anyway.
In the centre.

From extreme to extreme.
We are no in between it seems.
Someone is either praised as fearless.

Or laughed at as fearful'. 

'Emotions are never fully overcome. 

Because emotions never really die.
They only fail to reside within particular situations -when you understand why you felt that way. 

And go ahead anyway.
You overcome a situation.
You never fully overcome fear itself.

Us humans are wrapped in all these feelings.
Our brains are laced and ribboned with them.
So many colours.
We are made of them all.
to throw away a shade.
Means you lose another.

'To live with the taste of fear on your tongue'.
Somewhere in the centre

Don't lie to yourself.  

You are scared out of your mind.
And this is okay.

Because if you have never been afraid.

Then you do not know what it means to be brave'. 

Paint In The Water

We search. 


Search for music to speak for us. 
To live through voices of people we don't know. 
Search for intimacy in-between the pigments of a strangers skin and the lining of another's bones. 
We're looking. 
Hunters in the wilderness but our mission is a burden. 
Forever wanting. 
Forever unsatisfied. 
Wishing to sink our teeth into someone's feelings and spill our guts near the river.  
Under twinkling skies we curse the city lights that told us lies. 
About love. 
About being. 
About life.  
We're confused.  
We enjoy our pain it seems. 
All alone we dream of unravelling ourselves at the seams, to pick at the stitches that pull our façades together. 


We spend time painting masks. 
We spend time washing off.





- Hermenia 

The Walking Contradiction. Part 1. (Femininity, Masculinity and the Lines We Enforce)

I'll start of this post by admitting my hesitation to begin writing in the first place, how do you indulge in such topics without generalising? How do you put your stamp on a controversial and universal discussion without stepping on too many toes? Hm. I'm not sure if that's possible, but what I do know is that, if we always chose to digress... *gathers self*

If we always chose to digress

We'd always be secretly hoping, waiting for that one person to say the thing we've always wanted to say. That one person to be brave enough to speak through us, not to blame any group of people, or to cause some kind of uproar. But just to say it, so it's out there, so it doesn't have to linger in our bones any longer. But, I find it's actually far worse to sit on your realisations about the world we live in, because when someone does not show up as your saviour, to take the weight of expressing your opinion, you harbour anger, there's injustice and things you want to say but you can't grow the tongue to. So an innocent opinion transforms to pain and those lingering bones become a curled up fist. There's no need for this because we are born to express freely, as long as we are not hurting others... hey, you might find someone out there agrees with you. 

People say, 'you have to be, what you want to see', and I know what I want to read for sure, so as a way to honour the start of a new year, I guess I'm giving myself that respect to say what the hell I think. A state of freedom calls, so lets go there. 

The Walking Contradiction. 

It's day one of a new year and I'm chilling, as you do. Cooking up something good and dancing to my erratic Youtube playlist. Two unheard voice notes on a Whatsapp conversation and a link to an article: 

The Ugly Side of Being a Single, Attractive and Available Heterosexual Woman 

If you haven't read the article already, you should. 

Now, my initial reaction and this overall post is not solely in response to the article, but rather the annoying yet inevitable recurrence of this topic on my phone screen every couple of months.

It's a reaction to hearing men on countless occasions, praise feminine sexuality when they can feed from it, but then curse at a woman when she refuses to share.

It's a reaction to hearing terms like 'side-chick' and wondering how on Earth it's considered okay to perpetuate the idea of using someone simply to fulfil sexual appetites, while holding hands with the ones you claim to 'love' like its all good. 

It's the obvious look of wanting and desire on a man's face when a woman wears revealing clothes, yet, their mind tells them. She's not good enough to be his girlfriend, fiancé, wife. 

But she's good enough for games right? ...why?

Ever heard of 'you are what you associate with'? or beyond that and better yet 'you are what you eat'?
ha.

If a hoe/slut is equivalent to scum/dirt... and only rats play in the dirt,
I'm trying to figure out where in that analogy leaves a man that sleeps with women he slyly believes he is better than, because well... he's simply male, and their 'easy'.
*shrugs*

We live in a world which tells us women must carry themselves at a  particular standard, if not they will be shamed. Yet, we do not push men to also bare this weight, advertisements, music video's media says, women are too precious and beautiful, too divine to reduce themselves to objects yet, unfortunately for them, too irresistible to not be played with.

In turn,there are a lot of men who lust after exactly what they condemn. 

But! This post isn't about shaming, far from it, rather, it's about standards, it's beyond social dynamics and it's about living up to the idea's you believe you are worthy of. If you believe certain behaviours are degrading, then don't degrade yourself by turning your head to look down at them. Simple, no? I don't know..

I do know, women are taught from young ages to restrain, to not be too forward- especially when it comes to initiating interactions. This is for the safe keep of their 'reputations' and needless to say, their safety, they do just that.
Whether it's right or wrong...
They digress.  

Standards. Associate with the things, people, places that coincide with your standards, this post isn't about setting everyone a bar so, whatever the hell yours is, stay close to that, and if you see something that is not of you being practised, leave it alone, you don't have to poke at it, gawk at it, or wonder what that button does, or call it names for that matter. Man or woman, hold yourself up to the same standards you hold others to. Reject hypocrisy.

Don't be a walking contradiction, you know when they say 'you can't smell it cos it's on you'?
Yh. Don't be that guy... or girl.

Going back to the problem, it is that, the 'boys will be boys' mentality is still as strong as ever. The idea that men think they can 'sow their wild oats' before they meet a gracious young woman and then settle down with her on ice white sheets that she won't at all mind if he stains with dirty hands.
This is the fairytale that still drifts through the brains of a lot of guys and is widely accepted by the whole world, in fact, it's is sadly reality,

So... I have one comeback for women who are damned by men, who are judged by men, that just can't seem to turn away from what they think is unholy... and that's simply... 'see you in hell... what now?'. 

Excuse the 'what now?'... a bit of London sass there couldn't help it.





This is A State Of Freedom, and I didn't want to make this post about simply 'Netflix and chill to abortion pills' I needed to bring myself to the topic, bring the depth of us all to the topic. So we don't leave angry, rather only with a thirst to better understand ourselves and practice these understandings.. 

- What isn't being touched on enough is the idea of hyper masculinity and hyper femininity, the holy balance within the two energies, what they represent and the roles we associate with both sides. 

- The fact that people preach men and woman are not the same, and use the concept of 'Yin and Yang' to marginalise both the genders, they use this idea to emphasize humanity knowing their roles and staying in their place, but clearly they ignore the fact that both energies exist within each other, Google the symbol yourself.

- Its the notion of the stronger and weaker gender, But is strength only aggression and dominance? There is so much strength in sensitivity, in letting go, and women do this in child birth might I add. (shout-out to Elliot Hulse for that beautiful example.)

- It's also the idea that men aren't allowed to show too much sensitivity, cry for too long, or they'll be branded 'pussies' or too feminine. And through this we unconsciously associate femininity with weakness.

- And it's in these, small, seemingly trivial, yet hurtful ways that we hurt a whole group of people, hurt ourselves.
I believe the bottom line is balance and respect. I've decided to make this the first post that discusses things that concern femininity (and in turn masculinity).

In the meantime, I could refer countless video's that have not only inspired me to raise my voice on such topics, but have opened my eyes to things I never realised. They aren't all 'Elliot Hulse' video's, but I love how he explains things, and he is wonderful to listen to. 

So here you go.

Video: Who's A Bitch?
Blog Post: How many WOMEN for you?




Until next time, stay close to the things you desire/admire, respect yourself and in turn it will be second nature to respect others and embrace ALL of yourself.



All words are mine unless stated otherwise.

Be 'A State Of Freedom'

Happy 2016.

Love Hermenia.

To Reside In Forever

The last entry of the year, the main message that rings through me is that 'the universe responds to not what we say we want, but what we demand with our actions'. We are all energetic beings so.. the level of energy we give out is what will be reciprocated back to us.
'Show up for your bit of the job, create, after that let the rest meet you half way.'

And that's it.
Self explanatory.

What's left is, these words came to me a few months ago, when I was thinking about people that have left us. Transcended into something we don't understand. They won't see the 'New Year' how we will, but the words created themselves as I went along and they translate that we should not stay forever in mourning or sorrow, because there are things which we cannot understand in this reality and that we do not know. So we make the most of what we have right here, right now.

My words are a bit abstract so use that imagination of yours. :)






We do the best with what we have.
Whether we are demanded to spend another day here on Earth.
Or whether we are called to new realities.

We do the best with what we have.
What we are given to eat up.
To soak.

I take these people as an audience.
This ground as a stage.
This prayer as a song.
All these colours.

The trees, grass, wind and leaves cry out for me.
Scream for me.
Reach for me.
The mountains clap their hands for me.

So we do the best with what we see,
When we 'lose' people, please understand they hold keys.
To other places unseen.

They are doing the best with what they have.
Painting pictures in technicolour,
Riding through whirlwinds.
Holding their breath and releasing fabrics of voices.
They are swinging from blue vines.
Riding in fresh time.
They are playing in red seas.
Beneath all the dream trees.
And above the abyss.

I believe,
This world is not the only game,
So let's smile,
For we stand back to back with them,
We visit them unconsciously.
At night. midday. when daydreaming.

We touch their arms and elbows when we sign papers to complete transactions,
and they write contracts to open new doors within divinity.

So,
Smile.

And make the most of the day,
For the people that lost the gift of being blessed with a sun ray.

Smile.
And make the most of the night,
In the knowing that.
Time will call for you,
To find new matter, unidentified.
Undiscovered.
In a new landscape.
One that cannot even make sense here.

We shall do the best with what we have.
Until we have something,
Somewhere new to play in,
And play with.
As they do. 

The Unapologetic's Glow

Just because you're the only person doing something, whatever it is- doesn't mean you should stop doing it to make others comfortable. There are so many things that are normalized in our society that hurt us yet still routinely practiced by the masses and given the go ahead without a second thought or glance.

Example. You don't have to walk too far from your doorstep before you see another passenger smoking, now let me just add real quick I'm not trying to come sideways at smokers, 'we all have our glitches', but it's obviously no secret, that smoking has severe side affects, Now what I find amazing is that in our society, we are so quick to ridicule people for the way they deal with their issues if their methods are unconventional.

People often ask me why I'm 'always smiling'. I think it does two things, it gives the impression I am obviously happy, and an easy going person. Easy to approach etc. It also may be kind of over bearing for one that does not understand where this emotion comes from. I like to say that this is both my 'default state' and my way of coping with everyday stresses. Sometimes, I'm really just thinking up cool stuff in my head. But at the same time, I guess it's my way of being okay.

We live in a beautiful world that's also very sick. We put financial profit over any and everything. We are forever looking for the quick way out of escaping from ourselves. We are forever looking for the quick way out of dealing with pain. And then, we find ourselves back to our quick fixes, slaves to these temporary solutions.

When I realise this, and immerse myself in this understanding. Grounded. I know this is true, and I don't need to look outside of myself for validation.

You cannot afford to feel embarrassed about the little 'awkward' things that make you who you are. Why should you be on your knees, subservient to a world that does not even understand itself? A people lacking all the answers, a place where  products are sold which deteriorate the mental and physical state of our community. Question all the things you find to be complete BS in the world and why those things are seemingly okay, before you question the nature of yourself. :) 


You owe the world no explanation about the way you move.
The things you do.
What you write.
Speak.
Sing.
Whether it is strange, weird, extreme.


What you believe of yourself is ultimately the truth of you. 
So my take is to stand in your originality and know you are just fine.
And if no one will say it then I will.

It's upsetting to know that, there are people out there, living with internal pain, because they are being backed into a corner, feeling as if they are in the hot seat and they have to justify their being to a world of judgement. A world with skeletons in its closet and dirt on the very hands it points with.

You cannot inspire the world forever conforming to it. Or trying to be like it.
So stay true and be something worth an inspiration.






- Hermenia.

Love to all those who read and beyond.