The Walking Contradiction. Part 1. (Femininity, Masculinity and the Lines We Enforce)

I'll start of this post by admitting my hesitation to begin writing in the first place, how do you indulge in such topics without generalising? How do you put your stamp on a controversial and universal discussion without stepping on too many toes? Hm. I'm not sure if that's possible, but what I do know is that, if we always chose to digress... *gathers self*

If we always chose to digress

We'd always be secretly hoping, waiting for that one person to say the thing we've always wanted to say. That one person to be brave enough to speak through us, not to blame any group of people, or to cause some kind of uproar. But just to say it, so it's out there, so it doesn't have to linger in our bones any longer. But, I find it's actually far worse to sit on your realisations about the world we live in, because when someone does not show up as your saviour, to take the weight of expressing your opinion, you harbour anger, there's injustice and things you want to say but you can't grow the tongue to. So an innocent opinion transforms to pain and those lingering bones become a curled up fist. There's no need for this because we are born to express freely, as long as we are not hurting others... hey, you might find someone out there agrees with you. 

People say, 'you have to be, what you want to see', and I know what I want to read for sure, so as a way to honour the start of a new year, I guess I'm giving myself that respect to say what the hell I think. A state of freedom calls, so lets go there. 

The Walking Contradiction. 

It's day one of a new year and I'm chilling, as you do. Cooking up something good and dancing to my erratic Youtube playlist. Two unheard voice notes on a Whatsapp conversation and a link to an article: 

The Ugly Side of Being a Single, Attractive and Available Heterosexual Woman 

If you haven't read the article already, you should. 

Now, my initial reaction and this overall post is not solely in response to the article, but rather the annoying yet inevitable recurrence of this topic on my phone screen every couple of months.

It's a reaction to hearing men on countless occasions, praise feminine sexuality when they can feed from it, but then curse at a woman when she refuses to share.

It's a reaction to hearing terms like 'side-chick' and wondering how on Earth it's considered okay to perpetuate the idea of using someone simply to fulfil sexual appetites, while holding hands with the ones you claim to 'love' like its all good. 

It's the obvious look of wanting and desire on a man's face when a woman wears revealing clothes, yet, their mind tells them. She's not good enough to be his girlfriend, fiancé, wife. 

But she's good enough for games right? ...why?

Ever heard of 'you are what you associate with'? or beyond that and better yet 'you are what you eat'?
ha.

If a hoe/slut is equivalent to scum/dirt... and only rats play in the dirt,
I'm trying to figure out where in that analogy leaves a man that sleeps with women he slyly believes he is better than, because well... he's simply male, and their 'easy'.
*shrugs*

We live in a world which tells us women must carry themselves at a  particular standard, if not they will be shamed. Yet, we do not push men to also bare this weight, advertisements, music video's media says, women are too precious and beautiful, too divine to reduce themselves to objects yet, unfortunately for them, too irresistible to not be played with.

In turn,there are a lot of men who lust after exactly what they condemn. 

But! This post isn't about shaming, far from it, rather, it's about standards, it's beyond social dynamics and it's about living up to the idea's you believe you are worthy of. If you believe certain behaviours are degrading, then don't degrade yourself by turning your head to look down at them. Simple, no? I don't know..

I do know, women are taught from young ages to restrain, to not be too forward- especially when it comes to initiating interactions. This is for the safe keep of their 'reputations' and needless to say, their safety, they do just that.
Whether it's right or wrong...
They digress.  

Standards. Associate with the things, people, places that coincide with your standards, this post isn't about setting everyone a bar so, whatever the hell yours is, stay close to that, and if you see something that is not of you being practised, leave it alone, you don't have to poke at it, gawk at it, or wonder what that button does, or call it names for that matter. Man or woman, hold yourself up to the same standards you hold others to. Reject hypocrisy.

Don't be a walking contradiction, you know when they say 'you can't smell it cos it's on you'?
Yh. Don't be that guy... or girl.

Going back to the problem, it is that, the 'boys will be boys' mentality is still as strong as ever. The idea that men think they can 'sow their wild oats' before they meet a gracious young woman and then settle down with her on ice white sheets that she won't at all mind if he stains with dirty hands.
This is the fairytale that still drifts through the brains of a lot of guys and is widely accepted by the whole world, in fact, it's is sadly reality,

So... I have one comeback for women who are damned by men, who are judged by men, that just can't seem to turn away from what they think is unholy... and that's simply... 'see you in hell... what now?'. 

Excuse the 'what now?'... a bit of London sass there couldn't help it.





This is A State Of Freedom, and I didn't want to make this post about simply 'Netflix and chill to abortion pills' I needed to bring myself to the topic, bring the depth of us all to the topic. So we don't leave angry, rather only with a thirst to better understand ourselves and practice these understandings.. 

- What isn't being touched on enough is the idea of hyper masculinity and hyper femininity, the holy balance within the two energies, what they represent and the roles we associate with both sides. 

- The fact that people preach men and woman are not the same, and use the concept of 'Yin and Yang' to marginalise both the genders, they use this idea to emphasize humanity knowing their roles and staying in their place, but clearly they ignore the fact that both energies exist within each other, Google the symbol yourself.

- Its the notion of the stronger and weaker gender, But is strength only aggression and dominance? There is so much strength in sensitivity, in letting go, and women do this in child birth might I add. (shout-out to Elliot Hulse for that beautiful example.)

- It's also the idea that men aren't allowed to show too much sensitivity, cry for too long, or they'll be branded 'pussies' or too feminine. And through this we unconsciously associate femininity with weakness.

- And it's in these, small, seemingly trivial, yet hurtful ways that we hurt a whole group of people, hurt ourselves.
I believe the bottom line is balance and respect. I've decided to make this the first post that discusses things that concern femininity (and in turn masculinity).

In the meantime, I could refer countless video's that have not only inspired me to raise my voice on such topics, but have opened my eyes to things I never realised. They aren't all 'Elliot Hulse' video's, but I love how he explains things, and he is wonderful to listen to. 

So here you go.

Video: Who's A Bitch?
Blog Post: How many WOMEN for you?




Until next time, stay close to the things you desire/admire, respect yourself and in turn it will be second nature to respect others and embrace ALL of yourself.



All words are mine unless stated otherwise.

Be 'A State Of Freedom'

Happy 2016.

Love Hermenia.