Commitment To Self / Priorities

What I know now

We are left alone to deal with the cards we are dealt. No matter how fair or unjust the game may be, some people were born into unfortunate circumstances. Once again, another truth I am still coming to terms with, one of the hardest truths of to accept. No matter what bruises, scars, beatings, hate and involuntary pain you have been unfairly put through, ever notice how it was still you who had to go to those counseling sessions, you who had wipe your own tears and pick yourself off the ground. So many children are going through hardships everyday, the darkest descriptions of our wildest imaginations wouldn't even scratch the surface of their realities. The hardest truth is, as long as they are breathing, other people can only extend love and act as a support system, it is up to them, to us, to decide we want to live and then we build our lives back up time and time again, brick by brick. You alone reconstructing, your life. You. When I came to the realisation of this I made conclusions.

Look out for yourself, and have your own back, cos when things go wrong you have to sleep with your reality at night. You have to do all the purging and restarting and the fixing. Have your own back and be on your own team.

Be dedicated to yourself, cos erm, a decision was made for you that you would exist. You never decided that for yourself. Yet you are here and your thoughts, emotions and feelings are one with who you are, one with your physicality. You are whole, complete and attached. Realize and honour this unity before you attach to anyone and anything else. When you become undone you will be left to put yourself back together again. Be dedicated to doing so.

Be dedicated to fixing yourself and watering yourself to grow; Understand that everything you need is laid out for you. The things that are meant for you are yours. You decide when you are ready to wake up and pick them up.

'God is ready when you're ready, but you don't want it'.
That's a line from Bonobo ft Erykah Badu- Heaven for the Sinner. Go and receive all your life with that song and thank me later.

Be dedicated to yourself like how you are to your family, show yourself that same commitment. So many times we are worried about whether or not we are unloyal to friends and what people will think of us. Then I realised... The way we make sure that we keep the people we love happy because we don't want to lose them. Is the same way we should do things we say we are going to do and keep the promises we make to ourselves.

Priorities.

What I know now is how important reflection is, because when you reflect you can begin purging and cleansing. lol, well it's true. You will not have to wait until you get slapped in the face until you realise you're treading on dangerous territory, because you'll catch yourself out. You'll check yourself. For yourself. It's almost revolutionary when you start caring more about what your wellbeing, than the comfort of others in your presence. Society obviously puts a lot of pressures on us, but what I know now is that, if you spent as much time trying to understand yourself, accepting your reality, fixing yourself as you did trying to conform and make other people understand you. You will feel different. 

Decided to make this only part 1 of this subject. This one has been sitting in drafts for a minute, and things keep hitting me when I'm writing, things that will take effort to translate from feelings to text and will take a while to explain. I don't want to write them half-heartedly, so if you read this and it resonated, keep it close and please believe we are gonna go deeper real soon. :)








By the way, thanks to all the people that have gone out of their way to tell me the things I've shared have resonated with them. Thankyou. Appreciate it so much, all the love. 

Signing out for now, but not for long.

Transmittable Energy

What I know now.

We give ourselves away a lot, I have given myself away many times, maybe not in a way one can imagine. So let me explain. We often guard our insides, what we feel, think, our fears and true emotions. What I've found so far is that the truth of life is that you cannot give what you don't have, so when we speak, through the things we say, the way we treat others, the way we look at others, we end up letting out how we feel about ourselves anyhow. When I opened my eyes to this I began to become less angry at people when they displayed attitudes I disliked, because I realised it's not really about me, it has everything to do with them. Once again, those old cliches that the world really revolves around, that we love to pass of as folk tales.

This is another revelation that I think has and really will affect the way I react to conflict and the way I move in life. This relates to my previous blog post, how as humans we will argue with others, and scream at the top of our lungs about everything we think is wrong with someone else, and how we are 'not the ones' to be messed with, how much we hate. When you realise that one must have felt hate within themselves before they can pass it on to you, (you begin to understand why it is important to stretch out a hand in love because that is what they need- not to sound all raindrops on roses but, the truth is the truth.) same with loving, the energy, spirit or whatever you want to call it must flow through you before you can even give it out. It really blew my mind, it was like 'wow', nothing is more true, you cannot give out a feeling you've never felt yourself. When you really catch this you begin to realise how important it is to check yourself, you begin to understand how to see beyond what is visible and understand the driving forces that cause us to behave the way we do. It also becomes really freeing when you realise that whenever someone attacks you or your character, your role within conceiving those emotions is nowhere near as great as theirs, often times it may be pretty much non-existent. It also becomes humorous and kind-of pitiful, when you see people voluntarily cast dark clouds over themselves and then fool themselves to believe that they are not drowning in the storm they are attempting to splash about.

What I know now is that everything goes back to self-love. Everything, and it actually makes me chuckle how this can revolutionise someone's life, how it is with me currently. When you feel love you will only have it to give, even when someone attacks you and tries to run your self-esteem to the ground, you will not reciprocate in such a petty game. Ultimately, you will understand that your problem is not with how they look, their financial situation, their boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever trump cards we use to throw low blows at each other. it's with what they did to you. I've begun to realise that when people steer away from the topic at hand and start 'sending' for others, really they're just turning inside out, giving themselves away about how bad they feel inside, what other reason would there be to bring up something irrelevant? hm.

Funny thing that just hit me, when you go out of your way to hurt someone else you say things and do things you wouldn't want to be done onto you, so in the end you give away where your own insecurities are, and indirectly tell other people what they should use as ammunition when the tables have turned. (lol)

I really want to blossom into the best version of myself, which I know I am forever becoming as long as I'm breathing, but I want to see how far I can get until my body calls it a day here on Earth. I watched a great youtube video- actually two great ones. One by 'Preston Smiles' and the other by 'Infinite Waters (Ralph Smart)' (check them out). Preston said something like "we are all connected, to love another is to love yourself" and vice versa, 'everything is touching.' Ralph said something that stuck out to me, it's really magical. "When you smile for no reason, that's what children do, they don't know why they are smiling at you, but they are smiling because they know the secret, they know that, whatever they do to you is actually going through them first." What I know now is that our authentic state of being is manifested effortlessly when we first come to this world. When you look within, you're not stepping into something completely new, rather, you're just remembering :)

xxx

That was so bloody long, but if you read through it, thankyou.
I'm actually annoyed at how long it is, lol, but I have so much more to say, there are so many more revelations to give and worlds in my head that want to blossom. So I'm letting it happen.

oh. let me put the links to the guys which opened my eyes to this message down below.

Infinite Waters: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5u9rrK_qeA
Preston Smiles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ksRfGKJMWQ

Can't wait to send out more perspective. This world is more than what we see and think.
But don't take my word for it. 

Your Perception / Your Problem

What I know now. 


This one really hit me, seriously though, it's crazy how many things it applies to in life, how I can apply it to change the way I react to things. It's really humbling too, I really realised that no one owes me anything, in the same way I am not in debt too anyone else also.

It's amazing how self entitled we are as humans and how we proclaim our feelings as if other people should rescue us from our own emotions. When you realise that, if you have not hurt someone, the way they feel about you is not your problem, people really start to sound crazy when they come out with things like 'I don't like you', or if they have a problem with the way you look and the things you do. We are all responsible for our own perceptions, they are our problems and no one else's, you have to sit down and deal if someone is living a life you don't agree with, as long there is no type of harm involved. I have learned how to let things bounce off me, and it's the greatest thing when you let these infinite truths land, and really start to live your life like you believe them. Things people say about you will start to bounce right off of you, I have a different pair of eyes and ears, it's now so humorous when I see people proclaim how they much they hate they have inside toward something, like... you look crazy.

I think a lot of people have this it's me against the world complex (lol), but really we are all in the same boat. Oh, and of course, I'm totally talking to my own self when I write. More so than you can imagine.
It's so easy to hold onto this mentality, it also puts us on some quest for power, so much so we'll hurt ourselves just to get it and to believe we have it. But you're not an oppressor if the 'oppressed' has to consent to you oppressing them. :/ What I know now is that forgiveness is for yourself, not for anyone else. You forgive other people to have peace within yourself, not set someone else free my friend. When you catch this it really humbles you and you realise how many times you've held onto things and foolishly kept baggage, then tricked yourself into believing you had some power whoever did you wrong. Now that I've grasped this it's become more easy to forgive people when I think they've done me wrong, with or without an apology. Walking around angry and sad is just wasting your own time and life. Often times people mask their pain by trying to bust jokes about whatever situation happened, say they are 'over it' but for some reason when you visit them they're still on about the same situation that's apparently 'not that deep' to them.       okay :)

*shrugs*, I'm the kind of person that finds humour in a lot of things, I never actually realised how funny it is until recently that humans really sit around with their arms folded with a smirk on their face talking about how they are not going to forgive someone, or with anger in their eyes talking about how they are never going to let something go. Majority of the time you really just look stupid .... The hardest truth is you're effecting yourself and your own energy more than anyone else's, everything goes back to self love. Love yourself enough to let go, a lot of pain is inflicted on us involuntarily, but then we foolishly voluntarily hold onto it. Of course some situations are bigger than others, but the hardest pill to swallow is that, we are energetic beings, and we ultimately choose how we want to feel, if we want to be filled with light and love, or if we want to be angry and sad- which leads to sickness if you don't transform into something you can grow from.  No matter how bad the wrong done to you, that spirit of hatred is still moving through you and taking a toll on you. So look out for yourself and get that cleanse. I don't know about you but I want to glow.

My perception is my problem, when I realised how much power I had lost (which I never really had). And how much I had taken back, it really freed me when I never even knew I was trapped. Ultimately you give away your own power to be happy and healthy when you think that you need an apology before you start a healing process. Or when you believe you are in debt to someone because they don't know how to let go of something. We are all voluntary prisoners.

This revelation has really allowed me to catch myself when I'm going to say something that really doesn't effect anyone else except me, and if someone were to tell me something about me they don't like, as if it affects me, just makes me lol.


More revelations to come. Love to everyone that reads this and of course everyone that doesn't.

Ttyl.

The God Strand

What I know now.

What I find, is that part of the strain that comes with living is wondering how exactly we measure up against other humans we share this common ground with- planet Earth. It has always been a constant battle in my head wondering how exactly we come to conclusions about what is more and what is less, in relation to things that are opinion based and influenced by what we have been taught. For example 'beauty,' how is one uplifted as more beautiful than another? Of Course, if we want to get technical we can include a whole science and social aspects that goes into it, symmetry and cultural influences.

What I know now, well what I discovered a while back, is that many of the answers to the questions we have are within nature or 'God'. It is amazing to me how the whole universe manifests diversity but humans are so stuck on everything being the same, and even to the point where we are scared of what we don't understand. When I stopped looking at other people for answers and even myself- I began realising that God/Universe/Nature is the greatest teacher by example. Different seasons, planets, organisms and life forms all teach us that this world is one of diversity and diversity should be celebrated. Being a creative being I'm always looking for the tiniest infinite truths to keep me grounded, because rules are not really my thing, I'm not really into facts I'm more into fluidity. But even within this you can find yourself confused, I think the nature of the universe and everything it produces can really teach us humans how to drop our tendency to constrain, confine and conform and begin living more freely with more appreciation of who we are and the mystery of who we are.

What I know now is that to truly live within your own truth and be who you are despite adversities, you have to consciously practice what you preach and continuously remind yourself of what the truth is.

I find that one of the hardest things to do once you have been hit with the fear completely yourself, is releasing what is inside of you to the outside world whatever that may be, then I caught a revelation that blew my mind. It's that our very being and existence speaks on how we should move through life, when we were made by whatever force created us, clearly it was never worried about who would and would not like us. How hard our lives would be, whether or not we would be admired, if we'd be loved or if people would throw rocks at us. It threw all those possibilities to the side and thus we are here. Mimic this spirit and attitude in all you do, I find to be the only way to live. God is the greatest teacher and we merely are all extensions of the thing. When you want to release your words, your art, your perspective, feelings thoughts and emotions, fashion sense, whatever it is. Do it fearlessly, and even if you're are scared, do it anyway, and don't worry too much about the hate that might get thrown at you. Don't. care. Have an open ear, learn and grow but don't let fear stop you. Treat your art with the same mindset the master artist did when they made you.

What I know now is that, the people that go out of their ways to tear down anothers confidence and self esteem, just haven't found the beauty within themselves to respect and honour, you cannot give what you don't have.        sorry. :)

What I know now is that, measuring up is not the biggest factor, there will always be competition but it doesn't consume you when you understand that your authenticity is not what it is in the running for competition or debate.

Birds sing, not for compliments or thank you's, just because it flows. It's like, hey whatever, if you like me.. thanks. If not, okay. This was never for you to begin with.
Nature, is what we are but it's so easy to forget in a society that places mirages, branding and profit over authenticity. We are not too far from anything, everything is connected, very connected, look outside of yourself and see yourself. Remember who you are by staying close to nature and the truth of who you are- an extension of God- whatever you believe that is. Doesn't make a difference.

If you want a real teacher, look at a waterfall - Terence Mckenna.

Many more revelations to come, love to everyone that reads this and everyone that doesn't.

Perception / Priceless Wealth

What I know now.

Your perception is the only thing you truly own. This body, your mind, heart and spirit. Are the only things you can truly proclaim as yours. When you sit in that truth for a while until it resonates, you realise how little you have, how much you have and how important it is for you to take care of yourself and value yourself. Everything else is shared amongst us, but belongs to no one really, knowing this, free's you from being attached to material things that can get lost, shatter and burn away. When you find yourself lost, you still have... well, you. When you face adversity, you go through hardships one way, and come out another, your interior may have changed but on the inside you have everything you were born with just in a more evolved form.

Beautiful truths like this go over our heads. We read them, we understand them. Then we pass them off as pretty words to help us get through rainy nights. But I wonder if people actually let themselves be immersed in these so called cliches. It took me a while to step outside of the hussle and bussle of 'life'. Or what society expects life to look like, basically occupying ourselves and keeping ourselves busy till we die. :) When I realised that everything was a mystery and we really don't know how we got here or what the hell we are doing, we're just living day to day. No one has all the answers. So we can wash that silly notion away.

What I know now is that, your perception is the greatest gift you can give anyone. We only know what it is like to live in our own bodies, to see from our viewpoint. Allowing people to see the world from where you stand is the closest thing to an out-of-body experience they will ever get. The way we translate our senses into feeling and language is unique to us. To be 'in your own lane' really and truly means to honour yourself completely, I think you must respect everything about yourself  the smallest. tiniest details, and then look in the mirror and see beauty, greatness and absolute wonder staring back at you. What I know now is that when you become thankful for every detail about yourself and human experience, you begin to compare yourself to others less, because if you were meant to have what they have and be what they are ... you would. But we cannot sit still and comfortable within these thoughts that make us feel giddy and warm, because... what I know now is, that life will test you on how much you really claim to believe the things you say you believe.

'Ask yourself how much you believe in your own light when you find someones elses glow as a threat to your own'.             

To see art in the way you do things is to see God moving through you, everything under the sun has its own way of being. But as humans, intelligence has been a gift and a curse, we have used it too live more 'advanced' lifestyles, but we have also become obsessed with living within lines. It's so easy to lose your authenticity and start believing that your natural way of being or thinking is wrong because it is not the way that is glorified or the most common. What I know now is that the only way to really be truly 'beautiful' is to be authentically yourself and to express yourself whole-heartedly. When it comes to talents, the only way to really leave a legacy is to value your perception so much so you take the time, dedication, devotion and determination to cultivate your skills and bless other people with them. I'm practicing not worrying about whether or not people understand my form of expression, that means through fashion, art, poetry... whatever.

Within all of these divine understandings, I think to remain humble means to remember, the only thing exclusive to you is your experience, but we have all been granted our own experiences and perceptions and must respect that of others.

Obviously, we gotta dive deeper into such topics because there are just too many revelations to cover. For this post, i'll say what I know now is to place value on things I can claim to be mine forever, which is the holy trinity which exists within me....

Abstract Desires.

What I know now.

I'm constantly trying to find the balance between. Doing things for myself, and sharing the things I do with others. The reason why I feel this balance is important, is because in this day and age, our virtual realities are deemed as just as important as our physical ones. Social media is seen as some sort of stamp of validation, if we portray our lives as prosperous on social media accounts, if we get people to like our pictures and give us compliments, no matter what is happening in the physical reality, we feel as though we are really doing something, as long as our virtual realities say we are.

I tried to challenge myself, by stepping away from social media and focus on my goals and aspirations. I found myself writing poetry a lot more and picking up my phone to create notes, thinking up new concepts, creating more. But still there was an emptiness that came with no-one else seeing what I had created. But I still kept on writing, and doing more, I'm trying to value my own opinion on myself and the work I produce before the opinion of others, I also wanted to prove to myself that I am really what I thought I was, a woman who believed in her own greatness- that I didn't need an audience of admirers to give me a pat on the back, so that I could feel good about what I was writing and drawing. To be honest, my verdict on whether my experiment away from outside opinions and social media was successful or not is foggy, I cannot say it was easy sails writing what I thought was gold and having no one to gloat to share it with. Whenever I would check my insta, or twitter, I would have to scroll through a bunch of amazing work from artists I followed, making me feel as if I was one step behind them. However, If I were to share my words and drawings with others, I would have to question myself on what spirit was behind my actions, would I be trying to prove I was busy? (lol). Was it love for the craft and sharing what makes me happy, or both. I guess, no one is watching me that closely, really it's me over analysing myself. The actions I make, why I do things. Why we do things.

I have come out with a blog post now, after almost over a year, probably because, well, there are several reasons. Last year I never knew what I wanted, like really knew. As for now I know what I want, of course that will change. I have been on an amber light for  a while, watching, reflecting, thinking. I have a whole universe in my head that really wants to take breath. So I'm letting it happen. I've been pretty much talking to myself. Which is fine. Sometimes the things you come up with at 3.02am, are actually pretty amazing and beautiful and they have so much value. What I know now is that there is nothing more valuable than your perspective.

I am always reflecting on the way I feel and think about things. Sometimes a bit too much, to the point where instead of just living and being, I'm tearing away at every action I've made, trying to figure myself out. A balance is always necessary, balance in everything- the key to health, but the constant strive for balance is a headache. How do you live freely and at the same time move consciously in order to change? There are so many layers to how I feel and what my mind is going through, I'm a different person than I was last year, even at the beginning of this one, and I hope, If you're reading this, you are too. But there is a stress and strain that comes with challenging yourself. The hidden battle happening inside, it's like you want people to know about your new found sense of enlightenment, at the same time you are trying to not have your feelings validated by sharing them. What I mean by that is, we'll often log into our social network accounts, and without fail there is at least one person talking about how they are making 'movements', how they are trying to progress in life and jump over hurdles. This is beautiful, and we have all probably done it before, and there is nothing wrong with it, I know I have, But what I know now is that the problem isn't what you do but consciousness in which you do it. Your intention behind why you are sharing what you're sharing. And I always want my intentions to be pure. (whatever that means).

Even though I know I may be the only person to read this, and whoever else does read this may just skim read. knowing that I felt, believed in the feeling and did whatever necessary for my own happiness. AND knowing that someone else may read this and be sparked with something, anything gives me a tiny sense of satisfaction.