To Reside In Forever

The last entry of the year, the main message that rings through me is that 'the universe responds to not what we say we want, but what we demand with our actions'. We are all energetic beings so.. the level of energy we give out is what will be reciprocated back to us.
'Show up for your bit of the job, create, after that let the rest meet you half way.'

And that's it.
Self explanatory.

What's left is, these words came to me a few months ago, when I was thinking about people that have left us. Transcended into something we don't understand. They won't see the 'New Year' how we will, but the words created themselves as I went along and they translate that we should not stay forever in mourning or sorrow, because there are things which we cannot understand in this reality and that we do not know. So we make the most of what we have right here, right now.

My words are a bit abstract so use that imagination of yours. :)






We do the best with what we have.
Whether we are demanded to spend another day here on Earth.
Or whether we are called to new realities.

We do the best with what we have.
What we are given to eat up.
To soak.

I take these people as an audience.
This ground as a stage.
This prayer as a song.
All these colours.

The trees, grass, wind and leaves cry out for me.
Scream for me.
Reach for me.
The mountains clap their hands for me.

So we do the best with what we see,
When we 'lose' people, please understand they hold keys.
To other places unseen.

They are doing the best with what they have.
Painting pictures in technicolour,
Riding through whirlwinds.
Holding their breath and releasing fabrics of voices.
They are swinging from blue vines.
Riding in fresh time.
They are playing in red seas.
Beneath all the dream trees.
And above the abyss.

I believe,
This world is not the only game,
So let's smile,
For we stand back to back with them,
We visit them unconsciously.
At night. midday. when daydreaming.

We touch their arms and elbows when we sign papers to complete transactions,
and they write contracts to open new doors within divinity.

So,
Smile.

And make the most of the day,
For the people that lost the gift of being blessed with a sun ray.

Smile.
And make the most of the night,
In the knowing that.
Time will call for you,
To find new matter, unidentified.
Undiscovered.
In a new landscape.
One that cannot even make sense here.

We shall do the best with what we have.
Until we have something,
Somewhere new to play in,
And play with.
As they do. 

The Unapologetic's Glow

Just because you're the only person doing something, whatever it is- doesn't mean you should stop doing it to make others comfortable. There are so many things that are normalized in our society that hurt us yet still routinely practiced by the masses and given the go ahead without a second thought or glance.

Example. You don't have to walk too far from your doorstep before you see another passenger smoking, now let me just add real quick I'm not trying to come sideways at smokers, 'we all have our glitches', but it's obviously no secret, that smoking has severe side affects, Now what I find amazing is that in our society, we are so quick to ridicule people for the way they deal with their issues if their methods are unconventional.

People often ask me why I'm 'always smiling'. I think it does two things, it gives the impression I am obviously happy, and an easy going person. Easy to approach etc. It also may be kind of over bearing for one that does not understand where this emotion comes from. I like to say that this is both my 'default state' and my way of coping with everyday stresses. Sometimes, I'm really just thinking up cool stuff in my head. But at the same time, I guess it's my way of being okay.

We live in a beautiful world that's also very sick. We put financial profit over any and everything. We are forever looking for the quick way out of escaping from ourselves. We are forever looking for the quick way out of dealing with pain. And then, we find ourselves back to our quick fixes, slaves to these temporary solutions.

When I realise this, and immerse myself in this understanding. Grounded. I know this is true, and I don't need to look outside of myself for validation.

You cannot afford to feel embarrassed about the little 'awkward' things that make you who you are. Why should you be on your knees, subservient to a world that does not even understand itself? A people lacking all the answers, a place where  products are sold which deteriorate the mental and physical state of our community. Question all the things you find to be complete BS in the world and why those things are seemingly okay, before you question the nature of yourself. :) 


You owe the world no explanation about the way you move.
The things you do.
What you write.
Speak.
Sing.
Whether it is strange, weird, extreme.


What you believe of yourself is ultimately the truth of you. 
So my take is to stand in your originality and know you are just fine.
And if no one will say it then I will.

It's upsetting to know that, there are people out there, living with internal pain, because they are being backed into a corner, feeling as if they are in the hot seat and they have to justify their being to a world of judgement. A world with skeletons in its closet and dirt on the very hands it points with.

You cannot inspire the world forever conforming to it. Or trying to be like it.
So stay true and be something worth an inspiration.






- Hermenia.

Love to all those who read and beyond.

Closure.

Sometimes.
It's not that a person does not care.
It's that they can't afford to.
Sometimes.
Often times.

There is much too much.
Going on in a person's mind.
Swirling through their brains.
An accumulation of regrettable times,
heart-filled mistakes.

Moments that need reassurance.
Closure.
To be concealed and never revealed.

Places that need understanding.
Thoughts that need to take landing.

It's not that a person does not have time.
In fact. It never is.
Time is a lie.

Sometimes.
Often times.
Its that we figure out which bargains are worth buying into.
And which games are cursed for our losing.

What is the point of fighting to own something, that was never written off in my name?
Why should I play a game, I do not have chance of finishing?
How can I make someone love me from their perspective?
Too many things come into play.
To force someone to understand us.

Too many things swirling,
Brewing.
Casting dark holes in our brains.

Losing games.





Sometimes.
Often times.
We just cannot give it space.
So we must choose which race is possible to win.
Which place is possible to find.
Which solitude is in our reach.
Which understanding is able to jump over.

And so we do.

We pick up all the things that we can say we own.
Our own problems.
Our own dreams.
Our own problematic fantasies.
And we begin running,
A race alone.
To know ourselves, just that bit more than we did before.

So I beg you, do not be fooled.

By the distant smiles.
The cold shoulders,
The dinners with new lovers.
The laughters.
The cheers to 'here after's.
The aftermath of flashy pictures on screens.

Sometimes.
Often times.
They have not forgotten.
I can almost assure you,
They still remember the gifts your past granted them.
But they had to decide.

The things that are worth owning.
The things that won't leave them wondering.
Whether they know the whole truth.
Whether they believe you,

And the only way to be okay with never really knowing.

Was to assure that,
they are the only person they are in debt to.

Was to allow themselves to be the only person, place, thing,
they ever really need to know.






- HP.

x

Jealousy, Wanting and 'Don't Ever Play Yourself'.

The way I see it..

Jealousy, reveals a lack of self belief. When you find yourself jealous of something someone else possess, whether that be a form of energy or something tangible. You are turning yourself inside out. Revealing that, in fact, you do not believe you have the power to one day also possess these same attributes. Of course, it is a natural human emotion to be jealous or envious- but the way I see it, you can either choose to gaze longingly and painfully out of your own window, or you can take the steps, to your front door, so you can actually be on the other side of wanting.

As humans, when we see other people or meet other people that for some reason, their lives have been so constructed that they already obtain the tools that we lack, our first emotions are either that of extreme admiration of envy, jealousy I guess- is both of these emotions coming into play simultaneously. What I think is a saving grace, every time, to take us out of feelings of inadequacy. Is understanding firstly, this is a gift, give thanks and praise because God/Universe however you spin it is looking out for you, showing the holes in your being, the things you need to take you higher, Listen. Secondly, summon yourself and understand that energy is transmittable. If you want something someone else has, simply, take it. :)

Okay, so elaborating on the first one, the foundation of really understanding this is grasping the idea that everyone is a mirror, this belief is fluid and can be applied in different ways to help bring self wholeness in different situations. In regards to this one, think of it literally as looking in a mirror and seeing a more advanced version of self, this can be as crazy as you want- e,g if Goku were to look at himself in the mirror and see himself, only as a Super Saiyan, I don't know- but the whole point is realising they are, an extension of you, and vice versa. There are steps to take, perhaps a long way to go, but if you move in the knowing that all that is 'good' is for you, and you are strong enough and powerful enough to mould yourself into all you want to be, then that beliefs carries you, and you keep going, until you finally embody what it is you longed for.

As for the second point, energies are fluid, open for all those who believe they are worthy of possessing them. Honour your journey and the people, places, lessons you learn on the way- take what you feel is there to grow you, give thanks for this opportunity to see yourself, drop your ego for a second and understand there are attributes in another worth picking up to grow you.

What you choose to see in others shapes you. What you choose to see in others says a lot about you. Do yourself favours. See the best things, so you have more for yourself to take.

I believe we are all in the making, the people we cross paths with, hold the powers we need to pick up to take us to that other level being. The people that cross paths with us, have something profound to learn from us, we are always trading gifts, in seemingly sweet collisions and painful ones, gifts are traded, And if you are willing to pick up someone else's, and they leave yours. That's their loss. (Don't be that guy).

Nothing reveals to me more that God loves me than this revelation. All through my life I have gravitated to people who are nothing like me- people more outgoing, people that are more open, people that are braver, people that are more ...aggressive even. Sometimes, I realise that I am being tested to see what I will and will not put up for, sometimes, I see they are holding tools I should take to evolve me. All these collisions have made my voice louder, heightened my spirit- evolved my being, and with that- I stay 'winning'

I write these things so that other people, if it resonates, they can take them and apply. Also, because I believe in divine timing, that someone, anyone may read this and have it hit where it needs to. AND because what good are my thoughts if I never realise them...


Be receptive. Believe that all that is for you. Don't EVER play yourself (quick shout-out to DJ Khaled for that boss quote) just because you could not get over feeling inadequate and unworthy of having a quality another possess. It was meant for you, that is why it is shining in front of you.

BTW. This posts goes out to all the people, I know, I don't know, once here, now transcended. That unconsciously have taught me, and teach me through,simply, being themselves.
If you look closely, will you see glimpses of them in the pigments of my skin, tone of my voice, way of my being.


Okay, I missed writing these long posts.  Love to all who read and beyond.

- Hermenia.

Face It.

You are a parasite.
The slug that worms it's way through the insides of their body.
And leaves them sick.
Haunted. Skeletal.
You. The way you manipulate is awe inspiring.

You have this way of being that takes a lifetime to master.
I wonder, who you were in a life before.
Perhaps the gatekeeper to a hellish prison.
Maybe that's how you learned to shake keys so seductively.
How you learnt to taunt and to tease.
I find you to be brutal. Both archer and bow and arrow.
You rejoice in the blood brawling down the victims eyes.

Bullseye.

How do you spew these words like spears and cut so deep they wish to reminded of their pain at night.
How do you howl to the moon at twilight and cover your scars at dawn.
Where did they teach you?
To pretend so well that you do not know yourself my love.
That you are not familiar with the blacks the reds and greys.
Deep purples. Toxic greens.
The making of potions for peers in cauldrons.
And this rainbow of masking.

Stop it.

I know and you know. Very well. That you are much more than you let on.

In fact you are dual.

You are trapped in cages.
And taunted by the tingle of metal on a witches hip.
You have been their sacrifice.
In the dead of night.
These wolves are relentless to your innocent flesh.
You have felt streams flood down your face at dusk. At the memory of the words they spat at you.
You drown in reminisce. Your duvet a sea of blue.
If they were to see you now.
If only they knew.
How your head is heavy and veins are tight.
At dusk you prey for the next life.
You are forced upright. To be their target.

Bullseye.

Your brain scattered to oblivion. 

How do you. 
Find a way. To crawl out of that. Pitch black cave and into the light, with a smile on your face.?

How are you.
Both sides to this penny.
How is that you've perfected such a duality? 

Pretty Paradox

She is Venus. 
And you are aimless. 
A fly. 
Trapped. 
In notions. And disguises. 


Obsessed with beauty. 
Any extreme is destructive. 
You willingly walk into deterioration. 
And a collision of your bones. 
And the liquid that is your blood. 


Mixed with pollen. 
And perfume.
Sweet seductive potions. 


Both you and her together.  
Are toxic lovers.









(I have plenty, a gazillion words to share :P. For the sake of it,
and because I thrive on their creation- stringing them together,)

- Hermenia. 

Many A Sunset

Many a sunset has graced my heart in your absence. 
More than once. 
Has the wind sat on my skin in solidarity. 
The rain on my palm and tip of my tongue is more than occasional. 
The bristle of grass and soles sunk in soil is often recurring. 
I was told to use my unbroken reflection in the lake as a remedy. 
Just as earth knows to repair itself. 

Shall it resurrect me.










- Tis' all. 
Hermenia P. 

Bits Of Me

There is a part of me.
I wish I could tear out.
Like paper.
I wish I could glue back a fresh piece.

One that hasn't seen ink.
And sharp edges.

Bits of me are full with regret.
I wish I could.
Squeeze my loins like rags.

And watch the,
pain of nostalgia pour out.
I am a sponge that has,
soaked in all too much.

And is sinking in what it fed from.

- HP.

The Faces I See

How strange.
To barely know someone.
But to be tied to them by branches on trees.

Inconsistent winds were persistent enough to blow our leaves, 

and leave us wondering who we are with each-other.
What are we doing with each-other?
What do we mean to one another?

To say 'I love you' isn't so heartfelt.
It becomes duty.
Because my name and yours.
Are penned in.
In the same book to be passed down.

Whether we travel to different landscapes.
I shall remember you by name.
And empty feeling.
Because you are not merely these letters and dates which state.
I know you.
I don't. 

I see these faces. 

That I cannot attach to spirit.
Only stories and glimpses of soul I hold on to.
That let me know,
There is a real you.

And in this.
I find it funny that.
These are the shoulders.
That would be cleaned -air dried.
Ready to take my tears.
Or perhaps watch my sorrows.
On cold mornings and dark nights.
When loss knocks on our doors.

We are both dried ink.
bearing loose condolences.
And hollow presents of, 'I'm sorry. I never knew'.

- For the connections you don't choose, 

Stay blessed everyone.

XO. 

- Hermenia 

Inks and Ego

This summer I was searching.
Going to places alone and looking for no one but myself.
Nothing but my reflection.
Which I tried to find in people.
In music.
In the sunlight over the river.
In the morning.
At night.
Midday.

There is no hurt in this memory.
Success is relative, I know.
I did see glimpses though.
In lyrics.
In smiles.
In breeze.
That came and went.
And I think that.
If the world told me it was for me.
Every time I walked out the door.
I'd struggle to find my true face.
There is nothing comparable. 

Not even the sun shines as I do.
Not even bird wings are as open.
Not even the river could stir such feeling...

As the one I felt when.
The rain poured on me and.
I picked up a pen.
To see a whole world of words.
That I myself had crafted.



- Hermenia Powers


A tad nostalgic. Happy 00:51 am.

Coming of Oracle

It seems the parts of you I once caressed with my voice have been bandaged.
There are no need for my silk hands to lay grace on your stinging skin.
Time has filled the hollow.

And you are wrapped in towels, inked with anecdotes for healing. 

Your memory soaked, in an antidote to self-medicate.

The wind whispers the notion that tomorrow is for you- 

With or without me.

As I still dwell in what could be.
Once again you are my inspiration.
Yet.

I am nothing like you.
I'm still longing for you to string me up, 

and play sweet tunes that I can hum to.

I still want you to call my name and bless me with your innocent findings. 

So I can use bits and pieces of your earth to patch me, to bind me back together. 

Tomorrow.
I'm going to the forest.
To collect what I can find from Gods hands.
And there I'll dress myself, and use the river as a repairing spell.
I'll soak my clothes and breathe in the mist that'll dare me to do away with you.

And I'll no longer need your voice for safe keep.
I'll no longer need your hands for handy work.
I'll trade these knots and bolts for flesh and bone.

I'll wake up with the sun.
To know that I hold myself up.

Keep your goodwill, intentions and prayers my love.
From you. I want none.
Every song, phrase and speech I beckon.
Reveals your work with me is done.

- Hermenia Powers 

Something sweet for you. Thanks all who read. 

x 

Commitment To Self / Priorities

What I know now

We are left alone to deal with the cards we are dealt. No matter how fair or unjust the game may be, some people were born into unfortunate circumstances. Once again, another truth I am still coming to terms with, one of the hardest truths of to accept. No matter what bruises, scars, beatings, hate and involuntary pain you have been unfairly put through, ever notice how it was still you who had to go to those counseling sessions, you who had wipe your own tears and pick yourself off the ground. So many children are going through hardships everyday, the darkest descriptions of our wildest imaginations wouldn't even scratch the surface of their realities. The hardest truth is, as long as they are breathing, other people can only extend love and act as a support system, it is up to them, to us, to decide we want to live and then we build our lives back up time and time again, brick by brick. You alone reconstructing, your life. You. When I came to the realisation of this I made conclusions.

Look out for yourself, and have your own back, cos when things go wrong you have to sleep with your reality at night. You have to do all the purging and restarting and the fixing. Have your own back and be on your own team.

Be dedicated to yourself, cos erm, a decision was made for you that you would exist. You never decided that for yourself. Yet you are here and your thoughts, emotions and feelings are one with who you are, one with your physicality. You are whole, complete and attached. Realize and honour this unity before you attach to anyone and anything else. When you become undone you will be left to put yourself back together again. Be dedicated to doing so.

Be dedicated to fixing yourself and watering yourself to grow; Understand that everything you need is laid out for you. The things that are meant for you are yours. You decide when you are ready to wake up and pick them up.

'God is ready when you're ready, but you don't want it'.
That's a line from Bonobo ft Erykah Badu- Heaven for the Sinner. Go and receive all your life with that song and thank me later.

Be dedicated to yourself like how you are to your family, show yourself that same commitment. So many times we are worried about whether or not we are unloyal to friends and what people will think of us. Then I realised... The way we make sure that we keep the people we love happy because we don't want to lose them. Is the same way we should do things we say we are going to do and keep the promises we make to ourselves.

Priorities.

What I know now is how important reflection is, because when you reflect you can begin purging and cleansing. lol, well it's true. You will not have to wait until you get slapped in the face until you realise you're treading on dangerous territory, because you'll catch yourself out. You'll check yourself. For yourself. It's almost revolutionary when you start caring more about what your wellbeing, than the comfort of others in your presence. Society obviously puts a lot of pressures on us, but what I know now is that, if you spent as much time trying to understand yourself, accepting your reality, fixing yourself as you did trying to conform and make other people understand you. You will feel different. 

Decided to make this only part 1 of this subject. This one has been sitting in drafts for a minute, and things keep hitting me when I'm writing, things that will take effort to translate from feelings to text and will take a while to explain. I don't want to write them half-heartedly, so if you read this and it resonated, keep it close and please believe we are gonna go deeper real soon. :)








By the way, thanks to all the people that have gone out of their way to tell me the things I've shared have resonated with them. Thankyou. Appreciate it so much, all the love. 

Signing out for now, but not for long.

Transmittable Energy

What I know now.

We give ourselves away a lot, I have given myself away many times, maybe not in a way one can imagine. So let me explain. We often guard our insides, what we feel, think, our fears and true emotions. What I've found so far is that the truth of life is that you cannot give what you don't have, so when we speak, through the things we say, the way we treat others, the way we look at others, we end up letting out how we feel about ourselves anyhow. When I opened my eyes to this I began to become less angry at people when they displayed attitudes I disliked, because I realised it's not really about me, it has everything to do with them. Once again, those old cliches that the world really revolves around, that we love to pass of as folk tales.

This is another revelation that I think has and really will affect the way I react to conflict and the way I move in life. This relates to my previous blog post, how as humans we will argue with others, and scream at the top of our lungs about everything we think is wrong with someone else, and how we are 'not the ones' to be messed with, how much we hate. When you realise that one must have felt hate within themselves before they can pass it on to you, (you begin to understand why it is important to stretch out a hand in love because that is what they need- not to sound all raindrops on roses but, the truth is the truth.) same with loving, the energy, spirit or whatever you want to call it must flow through you before you can even give it out. It really blew my mind, it was like 'wow', nothing is more true, you cannot give out a feeling you've never felt yourself. When you really catch this you begin to realise how important it is to check yourself, you begin to understand how to see beyond what is visible and understand the driving forces that cause us to behave the way we do. It also becomes really freeing when you realise that whenever someone attacks you or your character, your role within conceiving those emotions is nowhere near as great as theirs, often times it may be pretty much non-existent. It also becomes humorous and kind-of pitiful, when you see people voluntarily cast dark clouds over themselves and then fool themselves to believe that they are not drowning in the storm they are attempting to splash about.

What I know now is that everything goes back to self-love. Everything, and it actually makes me chuckle how this can revolutionise someone's life, how it is with me currently. When you feel love you will only have it to give, even when someone attacks you and tries to run your self-esteem to the ground, you will not reciprocate in such a petty game. Ultimately, you will understand that your problem is not with how they look, their financial situation, their boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever trump cards we use to throw low blows at each other. it's with what they did to you. I've begun to realise that when people steer away from the topic at hand and start 'sending' for others, really they're just turning inside out, giving themselves away about how bad they feel inside, what other reason would there be to bring up something irrelevant? hm.

Funny thing that just hit me, when you go out of your way to hurt someone else you say things and do things you wouldn't want to be done onto you, so in the end you give away where your own insecurities are, and indirectly tell other people what they should use as ammunition when the tables have turned. (lol)

I really want to blossom into the best version of myself, which I know I am forever becoming as long as I'm breathing, but I want to see how far I can get until my body calls it a day here on Earth. I watched a great youtube video- actually two great ones. One by 'Preston Smiles' and the other by 'Infinite Waters (Ralph Smart)' (check them out). Preston said something like "we are all connected, to love another is to love yourself" and vice versa, 'everything is touching.' Ralph said something that stuck out to me, it's really magical. "When you smile for no reason, that's what children do, they don't know why they are smiling at you, but they are smiling because they know the secret, they know that, whatever they do to you is actually going through them first." What I know now is that our authentic state of being is manifested effortlessly when we first come to this world. When you look within, you're not stepping into something completely new, rather, you're just remembering :)

xxx

That was so bloody long, but if you read through it, thankyou.
I'm actually annoyed at how long it is, lol, but I have so much more to say, there are so many more revelations to give and worlds in my head that want to blossom. So I'm letting it happen.

oh. let me put the links to the guys which opened my eyes to this message down below.

Infinite Waters: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5u9rrK_qeA
Preston Smiles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ksRfGKJMWQ

Can't wait to send out more perspective. This world is more than what we see and think.
But don't take my word for it. 

Your Perception / Your Problem

What I know now. 


This one really hit me, seriously though, it's crazy how many things it applies to in life, how I can apply it to change the way I react to things. It's really humbling too, I really realised that no one owes me anything, in the same way I am not in debt too anyone else also.

It's amazing how self entitled we are as humans and how we proclaim our feelings as if other people should rescue us from our own emotions. When you realise that, if you have not hurt someone, the way they feel about you is not your problem, people really start to sound crazy when they come out with things like 'I don't like you', or if they have a problem with the way you look and the things you do. We are all responsible for our own perceptions, they are our problems and no one else's, you have to sit down and deal if someone is living a life you don't agree with, as long there is no type of harm involved. I have learned how to let things bounce off me, and it's the greatest thing when you let these infinite truths land, and really start to live your life like you believe them. Things people say about you will start to bounce right off of you, I have a different pair of eyes and ears, it's now so humorous when I see people proclaim how they much they hate they have inside toward something, like... you look crazy.

I think a lot of people have this it's me against the world complex (lol), but really we are all in the same boat. Oh, and of course, I'm totally talking to my own self when I write. More so than you can imagine.
It's so easy to hold onto this mentality, it also puts us on some quest for power, so much so we'll hurt ourselves just to get it and to believe we have it. But you're not an oppressor if the 'oppressed' has to consent to you oppressing them. :/ What I know now is that forgiveness is for yourself, not for anyone else. You forgive other people to have peace within yourself, not set someone else free my friend. When you catch this it really humbles you and you realise how many times you've held onto things and foolishly kept baggage, then tricked yourself into believing you had some power whoever did you wrong. Now that I've grasped this it's become more easy to forgive people when I think they've done me wrong, with or without an apology. Walking around angry and sad is just wasting your own time and life. Often times people mask their pain by trying to bust jokes about whatever situation happened, say they are 'over it' but for some reason when you visit them they're still on about the same situation that's apparently 'not that deep' to them.       okay :)

*shrugs*, I'm the kind of person that finds humour in a lot of things, I never actually realised how funny it is until recently that humans really sit around with their arms folded with a smirk on their face talking about how they are not going to forgive someone, or with anger in their eyes talking about how they are never going to let something go. Majority of the time you really just look stupid .... The hardest truth is you're effecting yourself and your own energy more than anyone else's, everything goes back to self love. Love yourself enough to let go, a lot of pain is inflicted on us involuntarily, but then we foolishly voluntarily hold onto it. Of course some situations are bigger than others, but the hardest pill to swallow is that, we are energetic beings, and we ultimately choose how we want to feel, if we want to be filled with light and love, or if we want to be angry and sad- which leads to sickness if you don't transform into something you can grow from.  No matter how bad the wrong done to you, that spirit of hatred is still moving through you and taking a toll on you. So look out for yourself and get that cleanse. I don't know about you but I want to glow.

My perception is my problem, when I realised how much power I had lost (which I never really had). And how much I had taken back, it really freed me when I never even knew I was trapped. Ultimately you give away your own power to be happy and healthy when you think that you need an apology before you start a healing process. Or when you believe you are in debt to someone because they don't know how to let go of something. We are all voluntary prisoners.

This revelation has really allowed me to catch myself when I'm going to say something that really doesn't effect anyone else except me, and if someone were to tell me something about me they don't like, as if it affects me, just makes me lol.


More revelations to come. Love to everyone that reads this and of course everyone that doesn't.

Ttyl.

The God Strand

What I know now.

What I find, is that part of the strain that comes with living is wondering how exactly we measure up against other humans we share this common ground with- planet Earth. It has always been a constant battle in my head wondering how exactly we come to conclusions about what is more and what is less, in relation to things that are opinion based and influenced by what we have been taught. For example 'beauty,' how is one uplifted as more beautiful than another? Of Course, if we want to get technical we can include a whole science and social aspects that goes into it, symmetry and cultural influences.

What I know now, well what I discovered a while back, is that many of the answers to the questions we have are within nature or 'God'. It is amazing to me how the whole universe manifests diversity but humans are so stuck on everything being the same, and even to the point where we are scared of what we don't understand. When I stopped looking at other people for answers and even myself- I began realising that God/Universe/Nature is the greatest teacher by example. Different seasons, planets, organisms and life forms all teach us that this world is one of diversity and diversity should be celebrated. Being a creative being I'm always looking for the tiniest infinite truths to keep me grounded, because rules are not really my thing, I'm not really into facts I'm more into fluidity. But even within this you can find yourself confused, I think the nature of the universe and everything it produces can really teach us humans how to drop our tendency to constrain, confine and conform and begin living more freely with more appreciation of who we are and the mystery of who we are.

What I know now is that to truly live within your own truth and be who you are despite adversities, you have to consciously practice what you preach and continuously remind yourself of what the truth is.

I find that one of the hardest things to do once you have been hit with the fear completely yourself, is releasing what is inside of you to the outside world whatever that may be, then I caught a revelation that blew my mind. It's that our very being and existence speaks on how we should move through life, when we were made by whatever force created us, clearly it was never worried about who would and would not like us. How hard our lives would be, whether or not we would be admired, if we'd be loved or if people would throw rocks at us. It threw all those possibilities to the side and thus we are here. Mimic this spirit and attitude in all you do, I find to be the only way to live. God is the greatest teacher and we merely are all extensions of the thing. When you want to release your words, your art, your perspective, feelings thoughts and emotions, fashion sense, whatever it is. Do it fearlessly, and even if you're are scared, do it anyway, and don't worry too much about the hate that might get thrown at you. Don't. care. Have an open ear, learn and grow but don't let fear stop you. Treat your art with the same mindset the master artist did when they made you.

What I know now is that, the people that go out of their ways to tear down anothers confidence and self esteem, just haven't found the beauty within themselves to respect and honour, you cannot give what you don't have.        sorry. :)

What I know now is that, measuring up is not the biggest factor, there will always be competition but it doesn't consume you when you understand that your authenticity is not what it is in the running for competition or debate.

Birds sing, not for compliments or thank you's, just because it flows. It's like, hey whatever, if you like me.. thanks. If not, okay. This was never for you to begin with.
Nature, is what we are but it's so easy to forget in a society that places mirages, branding and profit over authenticity. We are not too far from anything, everything is connected, very connected, look outside of yourself and see yourself. Remember who you are by staying close to nature and the truth of who you are- an extension of God- whatever you believe that is. Doesn't make a difference.

If you want a real teacher, look at a waterfall - Terence Mckenna.

Many more revelations to come, love to everyone that reads this and everyone that doesn't.

Perception / Priceless Wealth

What I know now.

Your perception is the only thing you truly own. This body, your mind, heart and spirit. Are the only things you can truly proclaim as yours. When you sit in that truth for a while until it resonates, you realise how little you have, how much you have and how important it is for you to take care of yourself and value yourself. Everything else is shared amongst us, but belongs to no one really, knowing this, free's you from being attached to material things that can get lost, shatter and burn away. When you find yourself lost, you still have... well, you. When you face adversity, you go through hardships one way, and come out another, your interior may have changed but on the inside you have everything you were born with just in a more evolved form.

Beautiful truths like this go over our heads. We read them, we understand them. Then we pass them off as pretty words to help us get through rainy nights. But I wonder if people actually let themselves be immersed in these so called cliches. It took me a while to step outside of the hussle and bussle of 'life'. Or what society expects life to look like, basically occupying ourselves and keeping ourselves busy till we die. :) When I realised that everything was a mystery and we really don't know how we got here or what the hell we are doing, we're just living day to day. No one has all the answers. So we can wash that silly notion away.

What I know now is that, your perception is the greatest gift you can give anyone. We only know what it is like to live in our own bodies, to see from our viewpoint. Allowing people to see the world from where you stand is the closest thing to an out-of-body experience they will ever get. The way we translate our senses into feeling and language is unique to us. To be 'in your own lane' really and truly means to honour yourself completely, I think you must respect everything about yourself  the smallest. tiniest details, and then look in the mirror and see beauty, greatness and absolute wonder staring back at you. What I know now is that when you become thankful for every detail about yourself and human experience, you begin to compare yourself to others less, because if you were meant to have what they have and be what they are ... you would. But we cannot sit still and comfortable within these thoughts that make us feel giddy and warm, because... what I know now is, that life will test you on how much you really claim to believe the things you say you believe.

'Ask yourself how much you believe in your own light when you find someones elses glow as a threat to your own'.             

To see art in the way you do things is to see God moving through you, everything under the sun has its own way of being. But as humans, intelligence has been a gift and a curse, we have used it too live more 'advanced' lifestyles, but we have also become obsessed with living within lines. It's so easy to lose your authenticity and start believing that your natural way of being or thinking is wrong because it is not the way that is glorified or the most common. What I know now is that the only way to really be truly 'beautiful' is to be authentically yourself and to express yourself whole-heartedly. When it comes to talents, the only way to really leave a legacy is to value your perception so much so you take the time, dedication, devotion and determination to cultivate your skills and bless other people with them. I'm practicing not worrying about whether or not people understand my form of expression, that means through fashion, art, poetry... whatever.

Within all of these divine understandings, I think to remain humble means to remember, the only thing exclusive to you is your experience, but we have all been granted our own experiences and perceptions and must respect that of others.

Obviously, we gotta dive deeper into such topics because there are just too many revelations to cover. For this post, i'll say what I know now is to place value on things I can claim to be mine forever, which is the holy trinity which exists within me....

Abstract Desires.

What I know now.

I'm constantly trying to find the balance between. Doing things for myself, and sharing the things I do with others. The reason why I feel this balance is important, is because in this day and age, our virtual realities are deemed as just as important as our physical ones. Social media is seen as some sort of stamp of validation, if we portray our lives as prosperous on social media accounts, if we get people to like our pictures and give us compliments, no matter what is happening in the physical reality, we feel as though we are really doing something, as long as our virtual realities say we are.

I tried to challenge myself, by stepping away from social media and focus on my goals and aspirations. I found myself writing poetry a lot more and picking up my phone to create notes, thinking up new concepts, creating more. But still there was an emptiness that came with no-one else seeing what I had created. But I still kept on writing, and doing more, I'm trying to value my own opinion on myself and the work I produce before the opinion of others, I also wanted to prove to myself that I am really what I thought I was, a woman who believed in her own greatness- that I didn't need an audience of admirers to give me a pat on the back, so that I could feel good about what I was writing and drawing. To be honest, my verdict on whether my experiment away from outside opinions and social media was successful or not is foggy, I cannot say it was easy sails writing what I thought was gold and having no one to gloat to share it with. Whenever I would check my insta, or twitter, I would have to scroll through a bunch of amazing work from artists I followed, making me feel as if I was one step behind them. However, If I were to share my words and drawings with others, I would have to question myself on what spirit was behind my actions, would I be trying to prove I was busy? (lol). Was it love for the craft and sharing what makes me happy, or both. I guess, no one is watching me that closely, really it's me over analysing myself. The actions I make, why I do things. Why we do things.

I have come out with a blog post now, after almost over a year, probably because, well, there are several reasons. Last year I never knew what I wanted, like really knew. As for now I know what I want, of course that will change. I have been on an amber light for  a while, watching, reflecting, thinking. I have a whole universe in my head that really wants to take breath. So I'm letting it happen. I've been pretty much talking to myself. Which is fine. Sometimes the things you come up with at 3.02am, are actually pretty amazing and beautiful and they have so much value. What I know now is that there is nothing more valuable than your perspective.

I am always reflecting on the way I feel and think about things. Sometimes a bit too much, to the point where instead of just living and being, I'm tearing away at every action I've made, trying to figure myself out. A balance is always necessary, balance in everything- the key to health, but the constant strive for balance is a headache. How do you live freely and at the same time move consciously in order to change? There are so many layers to how I feel and what my mind is going through, I'm a different person than I was last year, even at the beginning of this one, and I hope, If you're reading this, you are too. But there is a stress and strain that comes with challenging yourself. The hidden battle happening inside, it's like you want people to know about your new found sense of enlightenment, at the same time you are trying to not have your feelings validated by sharing them. What I mean by that is, we'll often log into our social network accounts, and without fail there is at least one person talking about how they are making 'movements', how they are trying to progress in life and jump over hurdles. This is beautiful, and we have all probably done it before, and there is nothing wrong with it, I know I have, But what I know now is that the problem isn't what you do but consciousness in which you do it. Your intention behind why you are sharing what you're sharing. And I always want my intentions to be pure. (whatever that means).

Even though I know I may be the only person to read this, and whoever else does read this may just skim read. knowing that I felt, believed in the feeling and did whatever necessary for my own happiness. AND knowing that someone else may read this and be sparked with something, anything gives me a tiny sense of satisfaction.